This Intense Love

I have become a terrible blogger. I guess there are too many other projects. And perhaps I am trying to soak in this summer with these TWO little ones. It has been bliss. The warm weather. The pool days. The lazy afternoons. Time at the library. Having friends over. Walks by the lake. And when we went to the doctor to get Madelyn's shots for kindergarten, Evan was hugging Maddy every second and giving kisses whenever she asked for them. And holding hands while playing at the park. These two have become little buddies and are inseparable. It warmed my heart all week to watch them.

And then there was this weekend. Oh, this weekend! It was the kind that made me question why we are adding another little one to the chaos. (Which is funny, because last week when I was storing away the too-small clothes and looking at baby pictures of the kids, I wanted a million more.) But this weekend there was crying, whining, melt-downs, disobeying, hurt feelings, napless afternoons, throwing, hitting, and embarrassment around every corner for Mom and Dad. And when Daddy was around, Evan wanted absolutely nothing to do with Mommy. It broke my heart. I began to question everything we were teaching them, or not teaching them, and wondering if we would ever find relief again.

It came again this morning. Happy day. We started sharing again, hugging again, and playing together without the constant crying. I heard Evan cry out for "Mommy" again while cuddling up against my shoulder. All is well.

This is parenthood, I suppose. And I'm sure once we have another child, the bad times might become even more intense. But I'm hoping, hoping, hoping that the good times become even sweeter.