Right now motherhood to me is being greeted each morning with Maddy and/or Evan's smiles, telling me all about the fun, scary, sweet dreams they had the night before. It is Evan begging for chocolate milk and Life cereal. It is telling Maddy to hurry and get dressed for school. It is getting my achy feet and big, huge belly out of bed and getting a drink before any nausea sets in. Motherhood right now is rushing to get Lukey from his crib and getting so giddy and excited as he smiles and squeals to see me! It is playing peek-a-boo between the slates of his crib before he's ready to get out and start the day. Being Luke's Mama means I am the one that knows he needs to be put in his high chair right away or he will lose all interest for breakfast. It is knowing he will want grapes or strawberries first with his very own fork to eat it with. Being Maddy's Mama is knowing that I need to go check on her every couple of minutes because she loves to drift off into dreamland and start on other tasks than getting ready for school. It's knowing I need to and get to listen to all of the ideas, hopes, fears, dreams that are on her mind as we do hair and eat breakfast. Being Evan's Mama is knowing that he needs a hug and some love too, so he doesn't feel left out.
Motherhood is taking Maddy to school and trying to focus just on them...teaching them through the conversations we have to and from places we go. It is trying so hard to be patient and thoughtful when they fight about who is talking more, or who is touching who. It is getting home, getting dressed, getting organized for the day, finding activities for the kids, getting chores done, going up and down stairs for more snacks, drinks, toys, blankets. It is taking a moment to snuggle. It is changing lots and lots of diapers and trying so hard not to get mad at my 3 1/2-year-old who has yet again messed his new underwear. Being Evan's Mama is knowing that even the slightest disappointment and meanness will send him melting in despair. Being Evan's Mama is finding the balance between discipline and helping him know I love him unconditionally in the same moment. Motherhood is making food, cleaning up food, filling their little bellies, and snuggling and reading before naps. It is again trying to find blankets and quiet complaints. It is a few moments of peace and quiet and more of the getting things done. It is giving my belly a rest and usually falling asleep against my will as my energy wanes.
Motherhood is watching Maddy burst through the door, excited to tell me about her day. It is giving her a snack and talking about what's on her mind. It is carefully directing her to homework, practicing piano, and reading. Because being Madelyn's Mama is knowing that she needs some down time before getting serious about the "getting things done". It is getting the boys after their naps and playing outside before Daddy gets home. It is walking around with a screaming Luke who cannot be consoled. Because being Luke's Mama is knowing that waking up is hard to do, and not much will help but holding him and giving him your full attention from 4 to 5 'o clock. Motherhood is watching them get so excited when their Daddy gets home and being so thankful that they have a loving, helpful Daddy. It is preparing dinner even though my feet and head ache. It is eating dinner together, even though almost every night dinner consists of whining and crying about not wanting to eat dinner. Being Evan's Mama is knowing that couscous should be served as often as possible because he will devour it without complaint.
Motherhood is gathering our family for a few moments together before bed. It is the getting ready for bed--pajamas, brush teeth, scriptures (and when Daddy's working, reading Stuart Little), and prayers. It is kisses, hugs, and reassuring words. It is again 10 minutes later, kisses, hugs and reassuring words. It is thinking over the day and thanking Heavenly Father that I get to do this, and hoping tomorrow I can do it better.
Motherhood for me right now is full of busyness, worry, stress, and exhaustion. But it is also full of clarity, purpose, intense love, and bright moments of joy that completely outweigh and make me forget any negative feelings or burdens. It brings me so much joy and there is nothing in this world that I would rather be doing. I LOVE being a MOTHER. And I LOVE being Evan, Luke, Madelyn (and our baby's) Mother.
1 comment:
This is really sweet. :)
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