My heart and mind have been swirling with thoughts and feelings this past week about you, sweet Henry, and I feel like need to record them. It was quite the traumatic week for us, Buddy, but we made it through.
I remember last Monday playing out in the yard with you, waiting for Daddy to get home so I could make dinner. These two pictures are so special to me because I took them while we were out playing together. You were so cute and happy, mimicking everything I said, or saying, Thank you's and Sorry's and Let's Go! That whole day I had this thought that I need to enjoy you, enjoy that happy smile, enjoy the hugs and snuggles. I wasn't sure why and was a little worried why I would be feeling this way, but when the Spirit is telling me something I try to listen. And let's face it, it's pretty easy to enjoy you. But I did try to put other things off and just play and cuddle more that day.
As we were waiting and playing, Evan told me he had spilled a bunch of water and so I went inside with you to clean it up. While I was cleaning, you found a peanut m&m on one of the lower shelves of the pantry and put it in your mouth. I remember thinking you could handle one of those. I started doing dishes and noticed you had a bunch of chewed up peanut in your cheek. The next moment you tripped on the dishwasher and started crying and choking. I held you and tried to scoop out peanuts and wishing you would stop crying so you could swallow.luckily, after some coughing you were fine.
Later that evening you started coughing a lot. Around 7 we gave you an albuterol treatment with your nebulizer. It seemed to help only for a little bit. Daddy called the doctor and he said that you could have aspirated some peanut and to take you to the ER. I decided I would take you and as we drove to the hospital you had stopped coughing altogether. I waited in the parking lot and still no coughing. I went to Harmon's to get a few groceries and no coughing. But you were very tired, so Daddy and I felt like you were ok and put you to bed. Before going to bed, Daddy gave you a blessing that you might be able to sleep and that you would get better.
I think back to that night a lot-about the good feeling we had that you would be okay and wonder now if we did the right thing putting you to bed and not taking you in to the ER. I know that the ways things happened happened for a reason and I know the Lord was guiding us through all of this. Maybe your body needed rest that night before the week ahead? Maybe we all did? Maybe it was better for things to happen during the day when we had people to help watch your brothers and sister? I'm not sure, but I mostly just feel so much gratitude that you were okay that night and that you slept so well. You ere definitely being watched over.
The next morning around 10 you started coughing again, this time a lot. I thought you were just congested or I don't know what I was thinking, except trying to get morning chores done and all of us showered or bathed. I remember thinking if your coughing persists I would call the doctor and get you in. I showered and gave you and Luke a bath. The next half hour is a blur because I remember the coughing getting worse and starting to feel frantic, like you were having trouble breathing. I quickly tried to find something, anything! to wear around me. I threw on some clothes and put up my sopping-wet hair and went to change you. As I laid you down to put on your diaper and clothes, your breathing and coughing got a lot worse. I wasn't sure what to do- do I call 911 at this point? Do I call the doctor? Do I try to get my naked Luke and Evan and us to the car and drive to the hospital? Do I take the boys to our neighbors' while I take you to the ER? Panic was starting to set in and I honestly couldn't think straight. I said a quick prayer to please know what to do and allow my mind to think and my body to move in the right direction. As I was about to go to our neighbors' house, you coughed up a bunch of mucus and peanuts. It felt like forever until you took another breath and I was so worried you were going to aspirate. I had you upside down at this point trying to help you get all of the gunk out.
You finally took a breath, yet you were still coughing and wheezing. I knew then I needed to get you to the hospital. Our neighbors are luckily good friends of ours and so I walked over to see if Evan and Luke could stay with them while I took you in. I was still a mess and remember wondering how on earth I was walking with my legs shaking so much. We got Luke dressed and Evan his backpack and I left. I don't know what I would've done without Ashlie! She was my angel that day!
By this time, your coughing was better but I was worried at how quickly it turned bad the last time and concerned it might happen again. At the Riverton ER they checked you out, asked more about the choking the previous day and did some x-rays. When we were back in the room waiting for your X-ray results you fell asleep on my chest. The enormity and weight of all that had happened that morning seemed to settle over me and I suddenly felt very sick. I again prayed that I could be what you needed me to be and be able to have strength and energy for you, that my body would be calm and whole and that the doctors and nurses would be able to heal you from whatever was ailing you.
The X-rays didn't show any peanuts, but the doctor said they usually don't show objects that small, but recommended that I take you to primary children's hospital where they can check you out better.
I drove you up there not really knowing what to expect but hopeful we could get home soon after maybe another breathing treatment? Then I realized when walking into the hospital how selfish and ignorant I was being. Some of these people have been here for days, weeks, years. Some of their children are very,very sick and they live day after day not knowing when they will go home. I thought of our friends whose 6-month old baby has been in the hospital since he was born, never sure when he will come home to them. I tried to just be grateful and move forward with whatever needed to be done at that point.
We got into a room where the doctor asked more questions and then said they would probably need to do a scope on you-putting a metal tube down your voice box and into your lungs to make sure there were no peanuts or anything causing you distress. If there was something you had aspirated it could cause you to have an infection or contract eventual pneumonia.
The doctor mentioned you being put under anesthesia and operated on once they cleared a room. At that moment I started to cry and feel so stupid and so guilty! How could I have let you have that m&m or not made sure you had swallowed everything? How could I have not protected you so you didn't have to go through this horrible thing? I thought if one of my kids ever needed anesthesia or surgery I would know in advance so I could prepare myself mentally. But this was all happening very quickly.
The ENT came in and confirmed the fact that you needed a scope done and asked the nurse that they give you your IV right away. I asked if you could have it put in after they give you a breathing mask with "sleeping gas", as it had been done with me when I was little and hopefully would be less traumatic for you that way. But he insisted it be fine now. They left and I realized I needed your Dad with me. I called him and told him everything and he was surprised with the change of events. He called aunt Alena and uncle mike who gladly took care of your brothers and sister so he could be with you and me. We are so grateful for them!
The nurses came in to do your IV and you hated every bit of it, and I hated you having to go through that. But after they brought in some toys and bubbles, you calmed down. You amazed me with how happy and talkative you were even with everything going on. We waited and waited after that and the docs and nurses would tell me about the surgery itself and the risks etc which really didn't help me feel better. One sweet nurse brought me a drink, and that is when you lost it. You hadn't eaten or drank anything since that morning and you were so thirsty! I couldn't let you have anything until after your surgery though. It was so heartbreaking to watch you scream for about 45 minutes before you went to the OR.
The nurse finally took us back and we met the doctor and anesthesiologist. Then it was time to say goodbye. I held my breath and just started praying. I found your Dad in the waiting room and he told me about everyone praying for us and how the kids were doing. I was so grateful but still felt numb. It wasn't until the doctor walked in with a big smile and said everything went well that I could finally breathe a sigh of relief and start to feel again. He told us they found no peanuts, just a lot of gunk and mucus they suctioned out. He said the body usually produces more mucus when a foreign object enters the body to protect itself but all of that mucus with your history of asthma was making it hard for you to breathe. After putting the tube in they knew it would make you produce more and make you cough so they wanted you to stay overnight at the hospital to keep an eye on you. Your oxygen levels had been lower than they like all day so it seemed like the best thing to do.
I couldn't leave you so I had Daddy go home with the other kids and I stayed at the hospital with you.
I liked being so close to you and I think you felt the same way. You would talk to me and I would ask you how you were doing, if you were okay and you would say, Yeah, I'm okay. It melted my heart. At 12:30 that night your oxygen levels dropped and so the nurses and doctor decided to suction out your nose and throat and give you an albuterol treatment. They also took your blood to make sure you didn't have an excess of CO2 in your body. Luckily you didn't and you slept until about 6 when you had a dirty diaper. The doctors that came that morning explained that you were breathing in oxygen normally but not expelling it as fast as you were taking it in. They prescribed an oral steroid and albuterol treatments every four hours. Luckily they said we could do treatments at home and said if you were doing well we could go home that afternoon.
Thankfully you got a good nap in and your oxygen levels were better. The doctor offered us to stay another night, but we were ready to get home. At 4:00, 24 hours to the dot when we had arrived, we walked outside into the bright sunlight to head home.
Maddy and Evan and Luke were so thrilled to see you and so happy you were feeling better! They showered you with hugs and kisses and just wanted to make sure you were happy. I know the morning before had been pretty traumatic for your brothers and that they were so happy to see you well again.
I was still pretty on edge and still am with your well-being. The next two nights you were throwing up and we were very worried but then the rest of the kids had a stomach bug after that too, so you must've had the stomach flu after all that! You poor thing! I am still concerned about your breathing sometimes and pray that we can understand more what's going on there, but I am so thankful you are okay! I am so thankful for our Heavenly Father and Savior and that they carried us through this time on so many different ways. What a blessing to know we are never alone!! I love you so much my sweet boy!!
Xo,
Mom
1 comment:
You're amazing! This is precious beyond words! Thank you for sharing.
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