Growing Up

The other day I was working on a project and came across this blog post I had written years ago, after we moved to Utah. It was all about my sweet and almost 4-year-old girl who had gone up on stage at church with her primary class to sing the song, "Mother I Love You" for their mothers. This was something she had wanted to do for months and she got her chance that day and it was the cutest and most precious thing you ever did see! I was so proud!

This would mean a lot to me any day had I read this old post but on this particular day it made me sob. It made me sob because just the day before she sang this very song, "Mother I Love You" on that very same stage at church with her primary class for the last time. She sang out loud and beautifully and smiling at me the whole time, just like she had eight years before. She also sang one of my favorites, "The Army of Helaman/As Sisters in Zion." With tears in my eyes, I marveled at this strong, beautiful young woman before me. I cried for the little girl she was and the beautiful lady she has become. I ached to see and hold that giggly, bubbly, VIVACIOUS 4-year-old again and yet I cherish the amazing girl she is today. The paradox of Motherhood. It is so often physically painful.

My Madelyn. My girl. She has come full-circle since that day...about to embark on a new journey, a new era as a young woman. Gone are the days of primary and girlhood, and honestly, that really hurts.

It's hard to let go again and again--to lessen the grip and her dependence on me. But she is ready. So ready. And that is why I do it. Not that I can really control this anyway. She is ready to fly...to soar...to spread her wings a little more.

And one consoling part of it all is: I get a front-row seat.